Mind Over Matter

The tough thing about making a commitment is the possibility of failure. Case in point, I am very close to that no-turning-back moment with the Tough Mudder in October. I have half the money to pay for the early bird race fee due by the end of the month.

I have never done this and yet, I am going for it. But the decision isn't without its hazards. Since making it "public" via Facebook two weeks ago, I have been watching videos and reading as much as I can about this challenge that I feared the risk of hazing myself out of it. Whatever it is that has caused my workout buddies at Curves to reject my invite to join "Team Pen" has apparently not affected me.

Knock on wood. In a decidedly freakish way, my fascination for this upcoming event leans heavily towards excitement than shit-scared fear. Maybe it just hasn't hit me yet. I don't know. I do know that I am eager to use the Tough Mudder Enlisted badge on my Facebook page.

I admit that this is not something unusual for me. Years of therapy has apparently done little for my all or nothing attitude and my somewhat obsessive-compulsive tendencies to go from 0 to 60 in...well...0. I could have set myself a lesser goal–a 5k perhaps? Baby steps. Small, realistic goals.

Not so for me. Years back, I attended a stained glass workshop and while everyone was content to build a palm-sized sun-catcher for their first project, I was creating 24" stained glass piece from a pattern that I created myself based on an image I saw in a newspaper.

Why? It appealed to me and I wanted it.

When I got married, a family friend offered to help teach me how to make a hand-quilted wall hanging, I chose the log-cabin design. When I took an intermediate-level sewing class in college, I made temple dress using a rather complicated pattern that I pieced together from various other patterns. I tried my hand at whatever it was that appealed to me and wanted it enough to see it done–seldom thinking about my minimal, if not outright lack of, experience.

The Tough Mudder mantra I keep hearing on every official TM video is, "You can do this! You can do anything that you put your mind and heart into!" Well, it certainly flipped that reckless switch inside me the first time I heard it because here I am today.

It's cold out there today. It just stopped snowing. That still, small voice in my head beckons me. It doesn't matter. I'm going out there for a run. I am in training. This is nothing.

I am a Tough Mudder, after all.